Um. Was going to wait until second part to post comments, but fic is too good to wait for feedback. Wow. Oh wow. The writing is so vivid and incredible and alive. There's so much mood in this story. Sorry if feedback is incoherent, I'm just stunned. I'm just going to quote all the stuff that really made me pause.
he shall put it in the little cemetery in his closet, where shitty paintings go to die.
That made me so sad.
”He talked dirty the whole time I fucked him.” Brian hands Justin a beer, barely suppressing the grimace on his face. “Badly.” “Oh, baby, fuck my man pussy,” Justin recites, already casting his eye elsewhere.
Made me giggle wildly. All the dialogue between Brian and Justin is so perfect and in character.
After Brian, he didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, didn’t miss out on a single fucking cliché.
Love that.
Justin had been seventeen and out of his mind in love. Brian had been twenty-nine and mostly just out of his mind.
And that.
Brian only let Justin top once. Sprawled out against blue sheets, guiding his every movement, shuddering and gasping with every thrust. Stretching muscles, murmuring, groaning in response to Justin’s every gasp. When it was over, he said Justin was amazing, and the next day he left for New York.
Justin suspects Brian has never been very good with goodbyes.
Also that.
“Bring me dinner,” Justin says suddenly. He remembers what it is to be brave. He remembers being seventeen and crazy, being seventeen and sure that he and Brian had a love that would last forever. Being a total fucking nutcase, but never backing down. “I’ll email you directions.”
PERFECT PARAGRAPH!
Justin laughs more than he has in forever, and finds new light and angles in the world outside his window, in the sleek lines of buildings beyond the glass.
ahhh, the words are so beautiful!
He hasn’t told Brian about the studio yet. Brian would probably try to help, he thinks, and although Brian can afford it, the thought makes Justin uneasy. Not so much the idea of Brian helping him – Brian helps him constantly, pays for things, even stupid little things like cover charge or tequila shots, and always has, since way back when Justin was seventeen and basically stalking him – but more the idea that if he lets Brian start helping now, he’ll never know if he could have done it on his own.
Perfect characterization there.
So again, wow Both Brian's and Justin's loneliness is palpable, Justin's characterization is so believable, and hurts so much. The ending is so good. Off to read the next part. : )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-12-30 04:31 pm (UTC)Wow. Oh wow. The writing is so vivid and incredible and alive. There's so much mood in this story. Sorry if feedback is incoherent, I'm just stunned. I'm just going to quote all the stuff that really made me pause.
he shall put it in the little cemetery in his closet, where shitty paintings go to die.
That made me so sad.
”He talked dirty the whole time I fucked him.” Brian hands Justin a beer, barely suppressing the grimace on his face. “Badly.”
“Oh, baby, fuck my man pussy,” Justin recites, already casting his eye elsewhere.
Made me giggle wildly. All the dialogue between Brian and Justin is so perfect and in character.
After Brian, he didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, didn’t miss out on a single fucking cliché.
Love that.
Justin had been seventeen and out of his mind in love. Brian had been twenty-nine and mostly just out of his mind.
And that.
Brian only let Justin top once. Sprawled out against blue sheets, guiding his every movement, shuddering and gasping with every thrust. Stretching muscles, murmuring, groaning in response to Justin’s every gasp. When it was over, he said Justin was amazing, and the next day he left for New York.
Justin suspects Brian has never been very good with goodbyes.
Also that.
“Bring me dinner,” Justin says suddenly. He remembers what it is to be brave. He remembers being seventeen and crazy, being seventeen and sure that he and Brian had a love that would last forever. Being a total fucking nutcase, but never backing down. “I’ll email you directions.”
PERFECT PARAGRAPH!
Justin laughs more than he has in forever, and finds new light and angles in the world outside his window, in the sleek lines of buildings beyond the glass.
ahhh, the words are so beautiful!
He hasn’t told Brian about the studio yet. Brian would probably try to help, he thinks, and although Brian can afford it, the thought makes Justin uneasy. Not so much the idea of Brian helping him – Brian helps him constantly, pays for things, even stupid little things like cover charge or tequila shots, and always has, since way back when Justin was seventeen and basically stalking him – but more the idea that if he lets Brian start helping now, he’ll never know if he could have done it on his own.
Perfect characterization there.
So again, wow Both Brian's and Justin's loneliness is palpable, Justin's characterization is so believable, and hurts so much. The ending is so good. Off to read the next part. : )