soundczech

When I got into my lift this afternoon it was speaking to me. I'd already started staring into the mirror inside, like I always do, trying to fix my hair and make my ugly jeans more presentable, so hearing someone speak to me kind of scared the shit out of me.

Disembodied voice: Hello?
Me: ! ....
DV: Hello?
Me: ... Hello...

I didn't even know my lift had this kind of capability. It's the oldest lift ever and doesn't work about 40% of the time. The building is only five stories including the basement, so it's not as if it has a heavy work load.

DV: Is anyone there?
Me: Why is my lift speaking to me...
DV: Hello? Hello? Hello?
Me: HELLO?
DV: OH! Is this WestCorp management...?
Me: No...
DV: I'm from Telstra, I'm calling to review this account.
Me: I... I just live in this building, I got into my lift...
DV: Pardon?
Me: I'm a resident in this building. I got in my lift and it started speaking to me.
DV: I called a lift?
Me: Yes...
DV: ...
Me: Maybe you could call back later...

Apparently WestCorp is my body corporate. I am completely unaware of these things. At first when she said WestCorp management I thought she said LexCorp and wondered if Sam had somehow set up a seriously elaborate prank.

I met up with

giantessmess today and dragged her around on various errands as usual. At one point this woman came up to me and put her hand on my arm and I shrieked aloud in surprise and terror and it turned out to be an old high school friend's mother. Why is my life so incredibly humiliating. She asked me questions about what I was doing and I had to admit the humiliating truth that I am doing absolutely nothing. Then she asked me questions about high school friends and I was like, "um..." because I barely ever speak to anyone and had only the most basic facts about their lives. I am a horrible friend. Her daughter is overseas right now but I'd barely spoken to her for a year before she left anyway. Lately I've been dreaming about old friends a lot though. I had this dream that my family had a holiday apartment on an island and I went there with these two friends I had when I was twelve, and couldn't find my keys. It wasn't a very exciting dream, but when I woke up I felt really weird about it.

We went to this shop in Chinatown where they sell a lot of, idk, standard Asian shit and stationary covered in anime characters and dvds and vcds. There were all these photocards,

giantessmess seemed really intrigued by them.

GM: Who are they, anyway?
Me: Like I'd know... oh wait, that's F4. They were in this Taiwanese drama, Meteor Garden, based on a manga I've read, Hana Yori Dango.
GM: ...
Me: :(

Then one of the songs from One Litre of Tears started playing and I nearly shrieked aloud. This is the same store Sam and I dragged her high school BFF through that time I met her. I've had a lot of really embarrassing moments in that store.

The other day I had to use my old notebook for something. In the front is some seriously horrid poetry. I opened the notebook and just stared at it. I would like to pretend this shit is from when I was like fourteen, but I was 18. This is the notebook I took to Greece when I went there after finishing high school. I thought I was so deep.

Walls stretch high above me
endless
in their stone confidence.
Their unshakable trust
in their own timeless beauty
frightens me, the
short and transient girl.
Here for but a moment -
A gunshot, a violent flash
of high beam headlights -
before snapping away
to nothing.
I am there, I am
here, but I
am never still.
Kinetic, frenetic, I
am but a moment's breath.
I am a butterfly flapping its wings.
I am the beating heart of a hummingbird.
Next to the ageless stretch of this cave,
I am nothing but a memory.
-14/12/02

My hands are tied
Into your fantasy
Of the way life should be.

Words are words.
A picture says exactly what it should.
To you,

Life is always
Exactly as it seems.
Open

Your foolish, hopeful eyes
And see,
Life is what it's meant to be.

Behind every word is a motive
And a story of a journey
And every picture is a moment

Fraudulent in passing time
Showing something
That was never really there at all.

Or there for that single,
Fleeting, fluttering,
Futile instant,

And then gone,
Swept away to the thick
And heavy quicksand

Of passing months and
Days and minutes.
Years.

Time passes and changes everything.
Today my words are honest,
But tomorrow shall make me a liar.

I just want to go back in time and tell myself to lighten the fuck up. Or, if I was going to be angsty, to at least try and make sense. Those are possibly the least embarrassing examples in the book, if that tells you something. It's weird not to be a teenager anymore because for so long after I turned 20 I still felt like I was, but now it feels as though years have passed and I am old already, wrinkles spreading out beside my eyes and arthritis knotting my knuckles together. I mean that's total bullshit, I'm only 22, but you know. It's weird to look at teenagers and think about how young they are.